Good Morning.
I was just making a plan for the day ahead of me. When you live with an Alzheimer's patient, each new day needs a plan, although a flexible one, so that your time can be spent as smoothly as possible for you and for them. It reminds me of when our children were small. I needed to maintain structure and a schedule. This allowed things to feel secure for them and more peaceful me. Now that I am the caregiver (and in many ways the parent) for my husband Frank, I need the same type of plan.
I remember being a young mother with several small children. I needed a lot of support. I appreciated all the help I received from friends, family members, and babysitters. Now, I need the same kind of support from those around me. I've learned how important it is to ask for help. Trying to do everything alone only adds to the feelings of anxiety, anger, guilt, and sadness that are part of dealing with this disease. I'm so fortunate to have great people around me who are willing to help.
One of the first things I did when Frank was diagnosed with Alzheimer's was to sit down with our grown children. We talked about the different ways in which each one could help. One son lives many states away. He would not be able to physically be available very often. So, he offered to send money each month to help with some of the care expenses. Another daughter offered to pitch in by assuming some of the jobs that had always been Frank's responsibilities such as looking after our finances. My third child lives in town and is able to come on a regular basis and give me emotional support as well as look after her father on some occasions.
Even with all of the help that I have received from my children, I still would not be able to look after Frank without the help of a good in home care service. Its not a luxury that I am able to have time to look after my own physical and emotional well being. Its a necessity. I've also found that trained caregivers are essential in my situation. At first, I tried hiring friends of friends that heard I needed some help. They would show up with books and magazines to read, crossword puzzles to work. Many people do not understand the level of care necessary when looking after an Alzheimer's patient.
It was really important to me that Frank be able to stay in our home where we have built our lives together. As his disease progressed I wanted him to be in an environment where he was most familiar and most comfortable. So far, I've been able to achieve this goal. But, I could have never done it without a lot of help. . .
Talk to you soon,
Gayle
PS If you need help caring for your loved one, contact your local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association for a list of resources.
