It Is Better To Give. . .

     I've been thinking today about the process of giving up.  Not the giving up of hope, or effort, or dignity; but, the slow release of some of the old ways of life that come with caring for a person with Alzheimer's Disease.  Changes happen on a daily basis and they can be difficult for caregiver and patient.  Some of the most emotional changes for us have been those that represented the "giving up," or letting go, of things that make you who you are...a successful, functioning adult. 

     So many things have changed and been released in the past years.  One of the milestones in our journey came when I realized during an afternoon of running errands that Frank's driving abilities were beginning to be impaired.  For some time, he had been struggling with remembering directions to locations that we had frequented for years.  Still, as long as I was serving as co-pilot; his actual driving skills remained intact.  But, one day I noticed that his response times and his judgement of distance were not where they needed to be for our safety and the safety of others. 

     We had a tough conversation that afternoon about the realities of where he was in the progression of the disease.  It was hard. . . for him and for me.  It is really, really difficult to accept that yourself or your spouse are beginning to lose abilities that are so integral to who they have been.  After all, Frank was the driver!  I can only remember rare occasions when I ever drove if Frank and I were together.  Even after all those years he still came around and opened the door for me if we went to dinner or to church. 

     I wanted to make sure that giving up his driver's license was something that Frank felt he willingly decided and not something that was being taken from or forced upon him.  I'm really glad that we made this desicion while he was still able to understand.  We went together to hand it in and to have an identification card made. 

 When we walked out of the Department of Motor Vehicles together, I was the one getting in the driver's seat. . .

Frank still came round and opened my door. 

Talk to you soon,

Gayle